This Is Crazy But Here's My Number So Text Me Maybe?
by Sweetysweetssugarytreats
Summary: Gintoki texts the wrong number when he sends yet another lame joke meant to get under his best friend's skin, but then he keeps texting the entertaining stranger who keeps answering.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **

**Some of you might, maybe, know that I like reading and writing stories with deep feelings and heavy emotions slowly growing between the characters, until they understand that they can't live without each other anymore and fall head over heels in love...**

**...Well, this will be mostly crack. What else do you want me to say, when the need for crack strikes I need to answer it!**

**But man… is it _bad._ Read at your own risk and caution lol.**

**I didn't put the time or names next to the texts because, very honestly, I'm just too lazy to do it. But don't you worry your pretty little minds, I'll make sure to point out when a specific amount of time has passed, for now it's mostly from one day to the other :)**

**Also, this story was inspired by so many other Text AU's in other fandoms, but mostly by two very incredibly hilarious fics :,)**

**EDIT:**

**Guess who stopped being a lazy little sh*t enough to edit this story and finally make it feel like a real Text AU with the time and all? That's right, for once it's actually ME!**

**Also I have practically rewritten this, if there's anyone who re-reads it again you guys might find this story to be... not as bad as it was before? Hopefully? (lol no it's still pretty bad) I just felt inspired and wanted for it to feel a tad more natural? Lol!**

**This story was called 'Soft Boy Aggressively Flirts With Other Kind Of Soft Boy' but after hearing 'Call Me Maybe' again I just thought slightly changing the lyrics to fit this story would be sort of perfect! :)**

_Gintoki's texts are in italics._

Toshiro's are underlined.

**. . .**

* * *

**_Wrong numbers and wrong-er things to text_**

* * *

(2:44) _Shinsuke_,_ buddy, thanks again for helping me out the other day._

(2:44) _And to show just how thankful I am to my bestie, my bff, my shorty, my bro, _

(2:44)_ I decided to buy you flowers_

(2:45)_They're fake though, just like you._

(2:46) Ouch. That almost hurts.

(2:47) _I wanted to find something that really matched your personality_

(2:47)_ You gotta agree with me, this is the perfect 'thank you' gift isn't it?_

(2:48) Don't you think fake flowers are symbolic of us in a way?

(2:48) _That we all as human beings are a bunch of fake trash?_

(2:49) That your love for me is like those flowers; it will never die.

(2:49) _Aww_

(2:49)_ When did you get so sweet?_

(2:49) I've always been. 

(2:50) But you need to dig in deep to find out all the hidden sweetness.

(2:50)_ Did you just call yourself a treasure?_

(2:51) Why yes, yes I did.

(2:51)_ Wow._

(2:51)_ I'm not even surprised anymore._

(2:52)_ Your narcissism knows no limits. And I keep asking myself will it ever end?_

(2:52) It's called self-love.

(2:53) _It sure is, buddy._

(2:53)_ Cause you're the only one who can love yourself seeing as no one else will._

(2:53) Are you calling me hard to love?

(2:54)_ Not to mention hard to want._

(2:54)_ Don't you worry though_

(2:54)_ Out of the infinite goodness of my heart I will always always always... try to tolerate you._

(2:55) Thanks buddy.

(2:55) This might also be the right moment to point out you have been texting the wrong number.

(2:56)_ What?_

(2:57)_ Oh shit!_

(2:57) _Sorry! That was all meant for my best friend._

(2:58) I figured.

(2:59) _Yeah, sorry again._

(2:59) _…Well, this is awkward._

(3:00) It's fine, no worries.

(3:00) I have to say though, interesting friendship you've got going on.

(3:01) _Believe me 'interesting' doesn't even begin to cover ¼ of it._

(3:01) Good for you?

(3:02) _Thanks?_

(3:02) _By the way_

(3:02) _How much does a polar bear weigh?_

(3:03) That's random.

(3:03) How much?

(3:04) _Enough to break the ice._

(3:04) _Hey_

(3:05) I have to admit I'd never heard this one before.

(3:05) And hey right back at you.

(3:06) _I've been known to be surprising._

(3:06)_ Are you impressed yet?_

(3:07) Do you want me to say yes?

(3:07) _Would it be bad if I said I do?_

(3:07) _Be brutally honest with me here._

(3:08) In a scale of one to ten...

(3:08) I'd say it would only be half-bad.

(3:09) _Great. _

(3:09) _My long list of half-assing whatever life throws at me keeps on growing and thriving._

(3:10) I'm detecting a hint of sarcasm.

(3:10) Shouldn't you be proud of your qualities?

(3:11) _You know, you're the first to call this… talent of mine a 'quality'. My friends usually refer to it as a flaw, or even a 'reason to be in prison'. One of my friends likes rhymes._

(3:12) _So, from the very ocean bottom of my treasured heart I have to say…_

(3:12) _Thanks, my dude._

(3:12) _Or dudette._

(3:12) _Or dude-else._

(3:13) _Whichever you might be. Sorry for assuming your dud-gender._

(3:14) Your first assumption was indeed correct, my friend. My gender belongs in the 'dude' category.

(3:14) Another half-assed victory for you to add to your long and thriving list.

(3:15) A shame your friends consider such a high and brilliant quality a reason to be in prison (nice rhyme, by the way). They clearly have no idea what they are talking about.

(3:15) _Thank you, finally my true genius is being recognized. The day I win a very deserved oscar I'll make sure to include you in my speech._

(3:16) _And I consider my friends' qualities their 'reasons to be punched in the hunch', so I guess we're even._

(3:17) _What can I say? Half-asses keep haunting me_ _…the double meaning of that kind of scares me._

(3:17) Please, and thank you, do include me in your speech as 'Not every stranger is danger over the other side of a screen'.

(3:18) And they say dreams do come true, but I hope nightmares don't or you will be surrounded by half-asses tonight.

(3:19) _I'm already working on the first lines. I will open with: Ladies and Gentlemen, and the Dude over the other side of a screen who once complimented my half-ass genius.'_

(3:19) _And that would be one of my worst nightmares._

(3:20)_...Or should I say one of my worst half-nightmarasses._

(3:21) I see your half-assing attempts continue.

(3:21) _Believe me, they never stopped in the first place. _

(3:21) _And aren't you the one who said I should consider this my quality and that it should make me proud?_

(3:22) My bad, I'm starting to regret that now.

(3:22) I should really stop encouraging people.

(3:22) It always ends with naked men, a bazooka and the police.

(3:23) _Must be an interesting life you lead._

(3:23) If only you knew the ¼ of it.

(3:24) Wait, when you say 'interesting' are you referring to the naked men, the bazooka or the police?

(3:24) _Naked men and police mostly, both sound intriguing._

(3:24) Refined tastes?

(3:24) _Check._

(3:25) And double check.

(3:25) _Lol_

(3:25) Well, it's nice to know someone appreciates what happens to be my almost daily life.

(3:26) Thank you person of unspecified genduder.

(3:26) See what I did there?

(3:27) _Nice._

(3:27) _I'm a dude too, by the way._

(3:27) Hello, dude.

(3:27) _Hello right back at you dude._

(3:28) _Wow, I've just come to the realization that we both are dudes and we both breathe oxygen._

(3:28) _Can you see how much we've got in common already?_

(3:29) Incredible. I would have never thought, not in a million years, that I would one day have this much in common with someone on the other end of a phone.

(3:29) Surely, this must be destiny.

(3:32) _Speaking of destiny, is this one of those movie scenarios where two people who have never met but only talked over a screen actually live in the same place and find out they have been passing each other by for years but never noticed until a faithful encounter one day that ends up changing their lives forever?_

(3:33) Seems like a very possible scenario that, of course, happens in the daily life of everyone.

(3:33) _Of course._

(3:34) How can we even know the many ways in which destiny works?

(3:34) But we can find out, can't we? Where do you live?

(3:35) _I have waited years for this one question just to make this reference and nothing and one one will take away this one moment from me._

(3:35) _My parents live in Ohio._

(3:35)_...But I live in the moment._

(3:35) …

(3:36) Wow.

(3:36) I'm sorry to say that after this I'm afraid I'll have to cut your moment in half.

(3:36) Just like the half-asses that will invade your nightmares tonight.

(3:37) _It's not my fault! I'm telling you, the witch of half-asses has bestowed this dreadful curse upon me. Oh no, how will I ever be able to go on with my nights from now on?_

(3:37) Then maybe you should kiss a princess to lift the curse.

(3:38) _In that case…_

(3:38) _Are you willing to be my princess? ;)_

(3:38) Aw, you flirt 

(3:39) But how much will you pay me if I accept?

(3:39) _Oooh, money-hungry._

(3:39) _I like it._

(3:40) I consider it more an investment of sorts.

(3:40) _And what are you investing in?_

(3:41) I just recently came up with a name for it: becoming a witch that curses dudes 'who half-ass their way through life and live in the moment' with nights full of nightmarasses' ;)

(3:41) _…Damn._

(3:42) _So strangers can really be _dangers_ over the other side of a screen._

(3:42) _And I think I just fell for you._

(3:42) _Whole-Assedly._

* * *

**. . .**

**A/N: **

**I'd like to apologize to humanity and non-humanity for this weird… thing. **

**But am I going to continue?**

**Ya bet your sweet macarons I am.**

**You heard it here first folks, from now on it's only gonna get worse. And when I say worse I mean…****_worse._**


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: **_

_**This chapter follows the events of the next day :)**_

_**. . .**_

* * *

**Never Underestimate The Cuteness Of Puppies**

* * *

(10:15) I'll say, I don't think I have ever had anyone fall for me whole-assedly.

(10:15) Both my buttcheeks are flattered.

(10:17) _Nothing makes me happier than the fact that I have managed to flatter not one, but both of your buttcheeks._

(10:18) _And since I did already, it only seems fair that now I woo you until you end up falling whole-assedly for me too._

(10:19) Of course, it's only fair.

(10:20) _Or decide you have enough of me and try to kill me._

(10:20) _I'll take either one, really._

(10:20) But what about the third option?

(10:21) _And what would that be?_

(10:21) I decide I have enough and simply don't text back?

(10:21) _Oh, wow, after taking into careful consideration the first two very real possibilities it didn't even occur to me that this one might be a realistic outcome._

(10:22) _But fear not, mr. stranger, for I can prevent such thing from happening._

(10:22) And how would you do that exactly, mr. stranger?

(10:23) _I will send you pictures of adorable puppies until I melt your heart and you can't live without my lovey-dovey texts anymore._

(10:24) If you think I will give in to a possibly infinite amount of flirty messages that a stranger I met only a day ago sends me, just because he thinks he can win my heart with a few pictures of adorable puppies then…

(10:25) You are completely right.

(10:25) I would do anything for puppies.

(10:25) _Who wouldn't? No one can resist puppies._

(10:26) _Not even that friend of mine I accidentally mistook for you when I texted you. And his heart is colder than ice._

(10:26) _And as we all know ice is... cold._

(10:26) Ain't that the truth.

(10:27) And puppies are powerful beings.

(10:27) _They are._

(10:27) _One day they will conquer this galaxy, turn us into slaves, force us into submission to satisfy their every whim and destroy our world as we know it._

(10:28) _And of course we'll accept it all that because they're cute :D_

(10:28) Where's the lie though.

(10:28) _And when I write cute I mean a shit ton of CUTE!_

(10:28) _Just like this one:_

(10:29) _Attached Image (*)_

(10:30) …

(10:30) Holy. Shit.

(10:30) What is this level of...

(10:30) _Adorableness?_

(10:31) Couldn't have put it better.

(10:31) _And now that I have your full and undivided attention, it's time to hit your heartstrings with my skilled fingers._

(10:31) _In other words I'll just send you lame pick up lines till you fall for me._

(10:32) This is your plan?

(10:32) _My half-ass plan._

(10:32) Right, of course, how could I forget.

(10:32) Please go on.

(10:33) _First of all, picture this._

(10:35) _My fine and handsome self sitting on a lonely bench, lit up by the blinding rays of sunlight. I am taking deep breaths in, clearing my throat rather loudly, is it from the nerves? Or could it be something else entirely? And the people stopping by and giving me astonished looks, are they encouraging me in this new and exciting journey? Or are they giving me strange 'what the hell' kinda looks? You might never know._

(10:36) You know, it's almost half-cute how hard you try.

(10:36) _Sooner or later it will turn into a certain full- ass cute._

(10:36) _That said..._

(10:36) _You're hotter than the bottom of my laptop._

(10:37) …Amazing.

(10:37) It worked.

(10:37) I fell for you.

(10:37) _Dude! Lmao! Really?!_

(10:38) No.

(10:38) _Awe :'(_

(10:38) _How could this incredible attempt that took unimaginable effort to put together not have worked on you? _

(10:39) _You just took away my happiness :(((_

(10:39) Your happiness depends in hoping sad pick-up lines will ever work out for you?

(10:39) _Yes. That's exactly what my happiness depends on. Absolutely. Without question._

(10:40) You might want to rethink your life choices then.

(10:40) _Ha, Joke's on you, dude._

(10:40) _I do that everyday already!_

(10:40) Relatable? Maybe.

(10:41) Anyway, despite your awful line, I don't plan on going with the third option _yet._

(10:41) The picture of that puppy was just too adorable for words.

(10:41) _Told ya._

(10:42) _All hail cute puppies, may our universe never be destroyed by your adorable little paws :,)_

* * *

**. . .**

**A/N: I have no idea if this short chapter can be considered weirder than the first, but don't worry, the next one is definitely going to be worse :)**

**(*) ****I wish I could put here the link of the cute image of the puppy I found but this site won't let me :( If you want to see it just go on my profile in AO3, same name, same everything**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: ****This is very very short. Only 4/20 lame (and flirty but still lame) jokes. I'd like to apologize to my parents because I never thought a day where I write this kind of chapter would come.**

**_*softly bangs head against the wall because walls are solid and I don't want to hurt my head*_ …What have I become?**

**By the way none of these line are mine, I found them on the magical place that is…**

_***drum rolls***_

**…The internet.**

**. . .**

* * *

**Kids Don't Do Drugs Even If It's 4/20!**

* * *

_(4:20) __As a part of a balanced breakfast on 4/20 don't forget to eat your weedies!_

_(4:20) _When you are too phoned to stone home.

_(4:20) __Do you smoke pot? Because weed look good together._

_(4:20) _Did you hear about the stoners who were planning to rob the medical marijuana dispensary?

_(4:20) _First they had to case the joint.

_(4:21) __Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy._

_(4:21) __But I got this joint, let's smoke this baby._

_(4:21) _If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?

_(4:21) _The cop.

_(4:21) __Baby you are sweeter than the brownies._

_(4:22) _We got so high last night we searched for our friend for half an hour while he helped us look.

_(4:22) __I see your username ends with 420..._

_(4:22) __I too like to live dangerously._

_(4:22) _How many potheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

_(4:22) _Screw it, we've got lighters.

_(4:23) __I don't always do math. But when I do I'm usually buying weed._

_(4:23) _What kind of car does a stoner drive?

_(4:23) _A Blazer.

_(4:23) __Hey baby! You're smoking!_

_(4:23) _It's like I've been waiting on you 4-20 years

_(4:24) __I will let you hit this if I can tap that_

_(4:24) _It's 4/20 time for a blunt-

_(4:24) _discussion with my kids about drug use.

_(4:24) __I am so baked, come take a bite :p_

_(4:24) _Meet you at four-twenty.

_(4:25) __me before I smoke weed: my life is trash_

_(4:25) __me after I smoke weed: my life is trash lmfaoooooo_

_(4:25) _You had me at cannabis.

_(4:25) __Is that a 9 inch joint in your pocket or are you happy to see me?_

_(4:26) _Alright.

_(4:26) _I think that's enough for today.

_(4:26) __Enough weed or enough jokes?_

_(4:26) _For you I'd say both.

_(4:26) __Aren't you a funny one._

_(4:27) __But I've got one left._

_(4:27) __I'm getting high on your smile tonight :)_

_(4:27) _That was almost romantic.

_(4:27) __Reallyyyy!?_

_(4:28) _No.

* * *

**. . .**

**A/N: **

**I have never smoked any type of… anything really, and I never plan on doing it. But for some strange reason drug jokes still crack me up? (pun not intended)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **

**Sorry for the long wait on this! And sorry about this in general lol... It's short but more chapters are on the works right now!**

**. . .**

* * *

**_Flirty Texty_**

* * *

(9:05) _In case you've taken my silence the wrong way (I was too busy delivering those fake flowers for real) I'm here to reassure that no, I haven't forgotten. And I have yet to give up._

(9:05) _I'm still trying._

(9:06) Good morning to you too.

(9:06) And trying _wh__at_ exactly?

(9:06) _Trying to make you fall for me as hard as I fell for you._

(9:07) _And, yes, the 'hard' part could be completely taken out of context here._

(9:07) _But I'm a gentleman, therefore I won't engage in the 'cheap humor' that are dirty puns._

(9:07) Of course.

(9:08) _Because if I wasn't a gentleman, which I totally am, I would tell you a penis joke._

(9:08) _But I don't want to come off as cocky._

(9:08) Not surprised in the least.

(9:09) _But let us forget about the chit chat now, as I will proceed to woo you in the most powerful way currently known to modern mankind._

(9:10) Which is?

(9:10) _Flirting with you through a screen._

(9:10) And how could I ever brush aside the most powerful way to woo someone currently known to modern mankind?

(9:11) If you think you can succeed then, please. do be my guest.

(9:11) _I'll give you a kiss._

(9:11) _If you don't like it you can return it x_

(9:11) Did you come up with that all on your own?

(9:12) _What? Of course not. It took me 2 seconds to find it online._

(9:12) _But hey, it's the effort of me copying and pasting that quote that counts, right?_

(9:12) Right, how can such a major waste of energy on your part go unnoticed?

(9:12) _You get me._

(9:13) And you're not very familiar with the concept of sarcasm, are you?

(9:13) _My friends tell me the same thing._

(9:13) _Hmm, weird._

(9:13) _Anyway. You didn't think I was finished, now did you?_

(9:14) Let's see how much more effort you put into this…

(9:14) _If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put U and I together._

(9:14) Hmm, weird.

(9:14) I would put GTFO together.

(9:15) _Grab the first otter._

(9:15) _Nice._

(9:15) You might be even worse than I had initially thought.

(9:16) _Worse, better, two faces of the same coin, two extremes. and I'm just glad in this world full of dull in-betweens I mean something extreme to you._

(9:16) You have a way of twisting words in your favor. Admirable, really.

(9:16) Must be a talent.

(9:17) _It is._

(9:17) _'This is what happens when your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime.' It's what my dear mother always tells me._

(9:17) Words of unprecedented wisdom I completely agree with.

(9:18) _I'll make sure to let my mom know._

(9:18) _Hey, do you like sleeping?_

(9:18) I see where this is going already.

(9:18) But, yes.

(9:19) _What a coincidence, me too._

(9:19) _We should do it together sometimes._

(9:19) In your dreams ;)

(9:20) _Oh, but in my dreams we're like cocoa and marshmallows.._

(9:20) _As in you're hot and I want to be on top of you ;)_

(9:20) I would be flattered. But first of all, you have never even seen me.

(9:21) And what if I'm the one who wants to be on top of you? ;)

(9:21) _That can certainly be arranged ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

(9:21) _Wait_-

(9:21) _Is that the sun coming up…_

(9:22) _Or is that just you lighting up my world?_

(9:22) …wow.

(9:22) _You liked this one, didn't you?_

(9:23) Absolutely not.

(9:23) _;((((_

(9:23) _Thank you for just walking all over my feelings._

(9:24) Weird thing to thank someone for.

(9:24) But I might have actually liked this one a little bit.

(9:25) _:')_

(9:25) _and I might actually love you a lil bit_

(9:25) What was that?

(9:25) _Nothing. _


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N: I found the first joke of this chapter yesterday and of course I had to base a whole, unplanned little chapter on it. Once again most of these are not mine but belong to funny people who come up with them because I can't be funny to save my life :)_**

**. . .**

* * *

**(Not As) Flirty Jokes-y**

* * *

(6:02) _Computer just crashed while I was a couple hours into writing my essay._

(6:02) _Now I have to write those two sentences all over again._

(6:04) You work so hard.

(6:04) _Working isn't the only thing I'm willing to put my 'hard' hours in... if you know what I mean ;)_

(6:04) It's only 6 p.m. ;)

(6:05) _It's never too early for love~ _

(6:05) Love is just a trick of the mind, a cognitive illusion ~

(6:05) _With all the tricks I have up my sleeve I could be your illusionist~ _

(6:06) _But I know, right? I always work so hard._

(6:06) Something tells me you're not being sarcastic.

(6:06) _Why would I be?_

(6:07) _You know, at first it was only a flimsy thought in the back of my head. But today... today I can say _

(6:07) _I am sure of it._

(6:07) _When I die I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into my grave._

(6:07) _So they can let me down one last time._

(6:08) That bad eh?

(6:08) _You don't know the half of it._

(6:08) Actually, I think I might.

(6:08) _Let me guess, you deal with assholes too from time to time?_

(6:09) From time to time?

(6:09) I wish.

(6:09) I deal with them on the daily.

(6:09) _You wanna hear an incredible pearl of wisdom that has gotten me through life?_

(6:10) _And mostly through homework?_

(6:10) Sure.

(6:10) _Laugh at your problems, everybody else does already._

(6:11) Astounding.

(6:11) Where's the lie though?

(6:12) _Plus:_

(6:12) _Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity._

(6:14) Is this another pearl of wisdom?

(6:15) _Yup_

(6:15) _Directly from my best friend._

(6:15) _I think he meant it as an insult but I kid you not, this got me through life._

(6:16) I don't find that hard to believe.

(6:20) Well, I have to go now.

(6:20) _Go where?_

(6:21) To do that thing.

(6:21) _What thing?_

(6:22) If I remember correctly it's called 'having responsibilities'.

(6:22) _You know, I don't think I've ever heard of it._

(6:23) You should try it sometime.

(6:23) _Nah, I'm good fam._

(6:24) _Sounds like something really annoying to have._

(6:24) You don't know the half of it.

(6:24) _So._

(6:25) _Are you just gong to ignore me until you finish this 'thing' that is so foreign to me?_

(6:25) Am I?

(6:25) _It's okay._

(6:26) _Ignore my texts._

(6:26) _It's not like I want to talk to you or anything._

(6:27) Oh, so you want to talk to me now?

(6:28) _Maybe I'm needy_

(6:28) _As in, I need my daily dose of you ;)_

(6:29) And where do you need me exactly? ;)

(6:29) _It's a little late for_ that_ don't you think?_

(6:30) It's only 6:30 ;)

(6:30) _Time is just a trick of the mind, a cognitive illusion~_

(6:30) Fundamental truth.

(6:31) Unfortunately for me, my responsibilities don't agree so now I have to leave.

(6:31) _Oh, hey, you rhymed._

(6:31) _But alright._

(6:32) _Fine._

(6:32) _Go on._

(6:32) _Just leave me be._

(6:32) _I'll be by my own, all alone._

(6:32) _(hey I rhymed too)_

(6:33) How is it that you text me more now that I'm busy and don't when I'm free?

(6:33) _Doesn't that always happen?_

(6:33) _And I bet you're lovingly smiling at your phone while reading my texts :)_

(6:34) And what makes you think that?

(6:34) _Because I'm a very lovable person, of course._

(6:34) If you say so.

(6:35) _I do say so._

(6:37) _You still there?_

(6:38) _No?_

(6:39) _Fine._

(6:40) _Roses are red_

(6:40) _I have a phone_

(6:40) _Nobody texts me_

(6:40) _Forever alone_

* * *

**_. . ._**

_**A/N: Group projects… they either go very good or very bad. Is there even an in-between?**_

_**And I think Toshi definitely smiles at his phone when he sees Gin's texts :)**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: **_

_**My apologies you beautiful people! **__**I don't want to bore you in the first note so I'll leave a brief explanation of kind of everything at the end.**_

**. . .**

* * *

**It's Kind Of A Cute Tragedy (Oh oh oooh ooh!****)**

* * *

(8:11) This is completely new for me...

(8:11) But I screwed up.

(8:11) Big time.

(8:15) _Oh oh ooooh ooh~ _

(8:15) _make it count_

(8:15) _play it straight_

(8:15) _don't look back_

(8:15) _don't hesitate_

(8:15) _when you go_

(8:16) _BIG TIME!_

(8:17) This is _not_ the time for Big Time Rush's theme song.

(8:17) _False._

(8:18) _It is _always _time for Big Time Rush!_

(8:18) You're right.

(8:18) My bad.

(8:19) _*My bed._

(8:19) Now's not the time.

(8:20) Seriously. I have bad news.

(8:21) _Define 'bad'_

(8:21) It's kind of a tragedy.

(8:21) _Well now I'm kind of worried._

(8:21) _What's kind of wrong?_

(8:22) Stop messing around.

(8:22) I'm kind of serious.

(8:22) _So kind of am I._

(8:23) Listen.

(8:23) If an unknown number writes to you, for the love of every drop of mayonnaise in the world, please don't write back.

(8:24) Ignore it.

(8:24) Toss your phone in a river. Do whatever but just-

(8:24) Don't.

(8:24) Write.

(8:24) Back.

(8:25) _Alright. I have three questions:_

(8:25) _1\. _ _…do you like mayonnaise?_

(8:25) _2\. _ _Why would I toss my phone in a river? My whole life is literally inside this magic little box._

(8:26) _3\. _ _Who would supposedly write to me?_

(8:28) 1- Mayonnaise is literally the best damn thing that ever happened to this world. And you asking me if I like it is kind of like asking why we need oxygen to live.

(8:29) _Oh._

(8:29) _Wow._

(8:29) _Obsessed much?_

(8:29) I don't believe for a second you don't have a favorite food you would be willing to die for.

(8:30) _You're right. _

(8:31) _I would do anything for anything that has sugar in it._

(8:31) Why am I not surprised?

(8:32) _Are you saying you always knew I was sweet? :3_

(8:32) Of course.

(8:32) _Aww I wish I could send you_ my _heart through the phone__❤️_

(8:33) Speaking of phones.

(8:33) 2- From what you texted earlier it sounds like you depend a lot on your phone, that's not always healthy.

(8:33) _I like doing things that are bad for my health._

(8:34) I'm sure your hospital bill won't agree with you there.

(8:34) _Are you implying that you want to play doctor with me?_

(8:34) _How forward of you._

(8:34) Sorry, I'm not into roleplaying.

(8:35) _That's okay... I've always liked you for_ you.

(8:35) That's a relief... because...

(8:35) 3- …it's connected to me screwing up.

(8:36) _Okay._

(8:36) _Now I'm really curious._

(8:36) _Just spill the tea already._

(8:36) You're one of those people who uses that kind of expression regularly, aren't you?

(8:37) It doesn't even make sense.

(8:37) Why would you say something like that?

(8:38) _I don't want to hear that from someone who led me on during our very first 'date'._

(8:38) That's completely different, it was just teasing. Tell me you wouldn't do the same if an unknown number texted you _that._

(8:39) _True, true_

(8:39) And why would you even bring up such an unrelated example?

(8:39) _Most of what I do is nonsense._

(8:39) Again, not surprised.

(8:40) _Hello, I'm still here. Waiting for the news._

(8:40) _Dude! Just say it already!_

(8:40) Fine.

(8:41) Just so you know, you interrupted a long speech about the modern use of words in ridiculous ways, but I guess I'll leave that for another time.

(8:41) The problem is… today I was having lunch with a few friends.

(8:41) _Wow. being social. that does sound like such a major first world problem tbh._

(8:41) Wait until I'm done, smartypants.

(8:41) _Lmao_

(8:42) So, we were out for lunch during a study session. And while my friends were ordering I went to the bathroom for a minute.

(8:42) _Intriguing._

(8:42) I'm sure it is for you.

(8:43) _Now there's a smartypants I'd like to get acquainted with._

(8:43) I was wondering when you'd say something like this.

(8:43) Anyway. Only after we left the place did it occur to me…

(8:44) I had taken my phone out when we got there. And just left it on the table the whole time.

(8:44) There is a 99.99 % chance one of my friends went through it.

(8:44) …Damn it I should have been more careful.

(8:45) _Hey, not all hope is lost._

(8:45) _Does your friend know your password?_

(8:45) I don't have a password.

(8:46) _DUDE!_

(8:46) _What the hek?!_

(8:46) _Are you for real right now?!_

(8:46) _I just choked and literally face-palmed so hard my forehead stings but what the hell?!_

(8:46) _You always always always ALWAYS should have a password no matter what!_

(8:46) _You've got any idea how many times a password or any kind of block on your phone can save you from prying EYES!?_

(8:47) Well, I don't need it.

(8:48) _-_-_

(8:48) _Okay that's literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard._

(8:48) _Why wouldn't you _need _it?_

(8:48) Because there is no one who would go through my stuff.

(8:49) I trust the people around me.

(8:49) _And look how that worked out for you._

(8:49) _One of your friends isn't apparently very trustworthy._

(8:50) …He is the only exception, alright.

(8:50) _Hey, look, even if he has supposedly read our texts it's fine_

(8:50) _It's not like we're doing anything illegal lol_

(8:50) _Wait._

(8:51) _You're not doing anything illegal on your phone right?_

(8:51) _I mean if you did it'd be kind of cool… but ya know, still illegal._

(8:51) No, of course not.

(8:51) But you don't _know_ him.

(8:53) No matter the situation, he finds a way to turn things around and screw with people's minds just for his own 'amusement'. And you don't notice it until the very end, before he delivers the final blow. This guy can be dangerous when he wants to.

(8:53) Also, he really likes embarrassing people. So that's kind of really bad too.

(8:54) _Your friend kind of sounds like an evil genius._

(8:54) Please don't say that.

(8:55) I swear his ego gets bigger every time someone says something even remotely nice about him, even if this someone might be on the other side of the world.

(8:55) It's like some kind of superpower or something.

(8:55) _You know, this friend of yours and one of my best friends would get along really _really _well if they ever met._

(8:56) _Also the world would probably kind of explode if they ever decided to combine their evil minds together._

(8:56) …Now you're kind of scaring me.

(8:56) _Oh don't worry! It's all kind of okay!_

(8:56) _It's not like they're ever going to meet if we don't introduce them, right?_

(8:56)¯\\_(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)_/¯

(8:57) …Right.

(8:57) What a unique shrugging emoticon.

(8:57) _You like it?_

(8:57) _It's cute, isn't it?_

(8:57) I guess.

(8:58) _But it's not cuter than me, right?_

(8:58) _You're not already tired of my unique cuteness, right?_

(8:58) Of course not. 

(8:59) I could never get tired of your unique cuteness.

(8:59) Especially since I have never even seen it.

(8:59) _Lol_

(8:59) Say, do you like cute things?

(9:00) _Only when they're not as cute as me._

(9:00) Narcissistic much?

(9:00) _It's called self-love._

(9:00) Lol.

(9:00) _And how about you? Do you like cute things?_

(9:01) Not really.

(9:01) Except for you, of course.

(9:01) _Now, don't make me blush._

(9:01) But when you send this kind of stuff…

(9:01) It is _kind of_ cute.

(9:02) _(_ _〃_ _ω_ _〃_ _)_

(9:02) And what's that?

(9:02) _Don't play dumb you know exactly what it is._

(9:02) _Stop making me blush._

(9:02) Stop sending cute things.

(9:03) _Stop writing cute things to me._

(9:03) Fine.

(9:03) On the count of three let's both stop.

(9:03) _Fine by me._

(9:03) 1

(9:04) _2_

(9:04) 3

(9:04) _Well, that was easy._

(9:04) It was.

(9:04) _By the way_

(9:04) _Look what I just found!_

(9:05) ▼・ᴥ・▼

(9:05) Wait, is that a puppy?

(9:05) _Yep!_

(9:05) It's kind of adorable.

(9:06) _As adorable as me? :3_

(9:06) _Oh, wait._

(9:06) _…We both did it again._

(9:06) …Shit.

(9:07) Well, now I'm disappointed in the both of us.

(9:07) _That's okay. I can live with disappointment and cute stuff._

(9:07) _It's like a summary of me._

(9:07) _And it's kind of a great mix actually._

(9:07) If you say so.

(9:08) Anyway, I'm bringing up the second point again.

(9:08) _What second point?_

(9:08) You really shouldn't use your phone that much.

(9:08) It's bad for your eyes, for your brain and your health in general.

(9:09) _Nuh-uh, buddy._

(9:09) What do you mean 'nuh-uh'?

(9:09) _I mean no, because I can't live without my phone since it's literally my life._

(9:09) _Practically everything I want is just beside me, only a click away. How _cool _is that?_

(9:10) _And I swear if I go a few hours without it my head would implode. Also, I have the need to be entertained at all times or I'd probably die of boredom so my phone is great for that._

(9:11) Again. You know that's not very healthy, right?

(9:11) _I'm here for a good time, not a long time. (⌐■_■)_

(9:11) …Can't argue with that logic.

(9:11) _Plus I have all the more reason to use my phone now._

(9:12) And why's that?

(9:12) _Silly, because I met _you.

(9:12) _And I kind of like texting with you._

(9:12) _Kind of really like it _(￣▽￣)ノ

(9:12) …oh.

(9:13) _I bet you're blushing right now, aren't you?_

(9:13) _Aww, how cute!_

(9:13) _So you should send me a blushing emoticon._

(9:13) :)

(9:14) Never.

(9:14) _Well, I tried _

(9:14) ╮(╯∀╰)╭

* * *

**. . .**

**A/N:**

**It's the only life you got so you gotta live it BIG TIME! ~**

**It's always time for Big Time Rush no matter what anyone says okay?**  
**Okay.**

**Long story short: I had some serious problems with my computer and felt very uninspired for the longest time... but here I am at last! Which might not really be a good thing?**  
**Hopefully I'll be able to update this and another one of my short stories sooner from now on.**

**Okay, I'd really like to say I'm like Hijikata when it comes to phones, but really, I'm definitely more like Gintoki… and that's probably a very bad thing? But all my friends are in the same boat so that makes it kind of okay?**  
**Kind of. (lol I love saying kind of for some reason?)**

**Also, of course Toshi is talking (writing) about Sougo! (who might make an appearance soon?) And Gintoki is talking about Takasugi! (who might make an appearance sooner?)**

**This is really cute though ¯\\_(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)_/¯**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:**

**As always:**

**Gin is in** _italics_

**Toshi is** underlined

**. . .**

* * *

**GHOSTLY Problems?**

* * *

(2:58) _HWEELPOOOOP_

(2:58) _HELPPP!_

(2:59) _HUSTON I DON'T THINK WE HAVE A PROBLEM! I KNOW WE DOOO!_

(2:59) _MAYDAYYY!_

(2:59) _PLEASE ANSWEEERAE_

(2:59) _TELL ME YOU'RE AWAUJKEEE!_

(3:00) I'm definitely awake now

(3:00) And it's 3 in the morning so this better be a life or death situation.

(3:01) _YEssssss_

(3:01) _I'M TH E ONE DIIIIING!_

(3:01) _I'M BEING HAUNTED!_

(3:02)...What the hell.

(3:02) _There's a GHOST in my rooooom!_

(3:02) Ookay.

(3:02) …Explain please.

(3:03) _Look_

(3:03) _I thought it was a car or smthn at first_

(3:03) _But it didn't stop_

(3:03) _And now it's just outside my window!_

(3:03) What is?

(3:04) _THE LIGHT!_

(3:04) ?

(3:04) Is this a movie reference?

(3:04) _NO!_

(3:05) _No movie involved!_

(3:05) _It's this blinking light that jus wont STOP!_

(3:05) …a blinking light?

(3:05) _YES!_

(3:05) _It's green and it keeps blinking_

(3:05) _It's like a pulsing heart or something_

(3:06) _Its so CREEEEEPY!_

(3:06) _But then I figured it out..._

(3:06) _…this is a spirit!_

(3:06) _It's come to haunt me for all my wrong-doings !_

(3:07) _Even though I don't have any, I'm just an amazingly good person, you know?_

(3:07) Hmm… somehow I find that hard to believe.

(3:08) _I'll choose to ignore that last comment._

(3:08) _goodbye dear world. but not so _dear _cause I'll never forgive you for the ending of Naruto…_

(3:08) _but at least I now have the hope of finding peace_

(3:08) _and maybe rewrite a better ending in the afterlife…_

(3:09) Ah, yes, they say when you're about to die the biggest regrets flash right before your eyes.

(3:10) …But Naruto still believes in you…

(3:10)_...Naruto let me down..._

(3:10) Naruto didn't mean it...

(3:10)...it's not his fault… he tried his best…

(3:11) _but his best wasnt enough in the end…_

(3:11) _But no matter what, my ramen-sized heart will always beat for him…_

(3:11) …I'm sure Naruto appreciates that. We all do.

(3:11) _*bows*_

(3:11) _…thank you._

(3:12) But aren't you being just a little..

(3:12) I don't know

(3:12) Dramatic?

(3:12) _Oh-ho! _ _Let's see you try and sleep in your room with a ghost haunting you!_

(3:13) There is no ghost in your room.

(3:13) Because ghosts don't exist.

(3:13) _Oooh are you one of those scienc-y people?_

(3:13) If by 'scienc-y' you mean people who believe in the progress of technology and discoveries of new forms of life based solely on accurate and trustworthy _scientific research…_

(3:14) Then yes, yes I am.

(3:14) _i'm sorry for u_

(3:14) _your life must be so boring :(_

(3:14) My life is okay, thank you for your concern

(3:14) At least I don't wake up in the middle of the night to scream-text my contacts

(3:14) _Wait_

(3:15) _Who said I was sleeping at all?_

(3:15) _Maybe I was kept awake by the thought of a certain someone ;)_

(3:15) Oh, you flirt.

(3:15) Keep the sweet talk for our first date, will you? ;)

(3:15) _I thought we had already agreed me texting the wrong number was our very first date ;)_

(3:15) _and I'm sorry but you're just so sexy I can't stop_

(3:17) _BUT I'M GONNA STOP IF I DIE!_

(3:17) Lol

(3:17) Did the light do something?

(3:18) _IT'S MOVING_

(3:18) _HOYL SHTI!_

(3:18) _I SWAER IT MOVED 1CM!_

(3:18) _I'M DED!_

(3:19) Rip.

(3:19) _DON SAY THAT!_

(3:19) _IM LEGIT SACRED!_

(3:19) _I CANTT DIEE ITS TOO SOOOON!_

(3:19) _OH MY GOD I HAVENT EVEN EATEN THAT TWENTY POUND CAKE ALL BY MYSELF! YET!_

(3:20) It's nice to know there are people out there who have set such life-changing and worthy goals for themselves.

(3:20) _What can I say_

(3:20) _I'm a man of many talents _ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(3:20) Apparently those 'many' talents don't include chasing away ghosts?

(3:20) _Don't remind me!_

(3:21) Hey do you live on your own?

(3:21) _Why?_

(3:21) _You wanna know so you can sneak in through my window at night?_

(3:21) _Ay, you sly fox :) I like it_

(3:21) I see you keep bringing Naruto into this.

(3:21) And you wish.

(3:21) I just want to know so you can go bother other people.

(3:22) _That's cold-hearted!_

(3:22) _But don't worry, my heart is warm enough to melt yours too~ _

(3:22) Keep dreaming.

(3:22) _I would if I knew I'd wake up tomorrow._

(3:22) _But this ghost might ki-ll me!_

(3:23) _And to answer your question, I live in an apartment that's not too shitty and not too nice with three of my friends_

(3:23) _But one's visiting his family_

(3:23) _One's probably lost in this road we call life, but aren't we all?_

(3:23) True.

(3:23) _Also he often disappears so it's fine_

(3:24) _And the last one is off-limits._

(3:24) …Off-limits?

(3:24) _Yep._

(3:24) _We're having a cold war right now._

(3:24) _It's Shinsuke, the one I mistook for you remember?_

(3:24) _And if I asked for his help right now he'd never ever ever let me live it down._

(3:24) _EVER._

(3:24) _So that's out of the question._

(3:25) …I see.

(3:25) Well, I guess the only thing left to do is die now.

(3:25) Have a nice afterlife.

(3:25) _NOOOOOOOO!_

(3:25) _PLEASE DON'T GOOOOOO!_

(3:26) _DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!_

(3:26) _ALLLLL BYYYYYY MYYYYYYSEEEEELFFFFFFF!_

(3:26) I was just joking

(3:26) Wait is the last text meant to be read as a singing-text?

(3:27) _Yep._

(3:27) _Since I'm meeting my end I thought I might as well sing my ass off one last time._

(3:27) Maybe you could bust the ghost's eardrums that way.

(3:27) _Rude!_

(3:27) _I'll have you know my singing abilities are unmatched, thank you very much._

(3:27) _There are other things I'm hoping to 'bust' tho if you know what I mean.._

(3:28) Yes because no other human could match such a dreadful sound, so of course that would make your voice unmatched.

(3:28) And I'll choose to ignore that last part.

(3:28) _Hellooo?_

(3:28) _Could we un-focus from my extra-ordinary singing abilities and focus on the fact that I still might die over here?!_

(3:28) Right.

(3:29) The way I see it you have a few options.

(3:29) 1-Have you tried yelling 'hey there demons, it's me, ya boy'

(3:29) _Lol you watch Unsolved too?_

(3:29) Not of my free will

(3:29) My best friend forced me to watch a few episodes cause he was too scared to do it on his own

(3:30) But I can honestly say I firmly believe in anything Shane says

(3:30) _ugh you scienc-y people belong together._

(3:30) N.2- You could just go back to sleep and let me sleep too because there is literally nothing there

(3:30) _Pff yeah_

(3:30) _HOLY COW IT MOVED AGAIN!_

(3:31) _RIP ME!_

(3:31) Alright alright

(3:31) N.3- You could just go there and blow it

(3:32) _LMAOOO_

(3:32) _Dud_

(3:32) _The Fuck?_

(3:32) _did you just suggest I give a bj to a ghost?!_

(3:32) What

(3:32) Shit no!

(3:33) I meant blow it away!

(3:33) AWAY!

(3:33) I didn't finish typing the whole thing

(3:33) I'm tired okay

(3:34) _Yeah I can tell your 'quality' in texting has decreased a tiny bit lol_

(3:34) _But I won't dismiss such a great option!_

(3:34) _I could walk up to the ghost and be all gentlemanly (see wat I did thr) like_

(3:34)_ tell the ghost 'ah, excuse me sir? I'd like to offer my exceptional oral services in exchange for my life'_

(3:34) _I bet that'd work_

(3:34) Throw in a bit of a show too, be confident about it.

(3:35) Worst case scenario: the ghost rips your face off-

(3:35) But at least you gave a bj to a ghost before you died.

(3:35) And really, how many people can say they have achieved that in their life? And brag about it in their afterlife?

(3:35) _Damn._

(3:35) _They'd have to dedicate me a whole day for such an achievement_

(3:35) You can do it.

(3:36) Go, my friend, go on and blow the ghost.

(3:36) But wait, there's the risk you'll end up half-assing this job too!

(3:36) And really, that would be bad, not to mention contradicting.

(3:36) _*shocked gasp*_

(3:37) _How dare you hit me where I'm weakest?_

(3:37) _In my time of need too?_

(3:37) _I thought we had something special!_

(3:37) _I thought you supported me and my half-assed attempts from the very first day we met…_

(3:38) 'You see a person's true colors when you are no longer beneficial to their life.'

(3:38) I'm afraid this is the case as I don't have any use for you anymore since I am beyond tired.

(3:38) And when this human is dead tired, this human becomes a dead being who stops supporting other alive humans and goes back to sleep.

(3:39) Farewell, dearest friend, and before I forget my manners please forward my greetings to the ghost haunting you.

(3:39) _Ah, I understand as I too would choose the haven that is sleep over any of my dying friends in a heartbeat_

(3:39) _But speaking of dead beings_

(3:39) Smooth transition

(3:39) _I can think of another dead tired being who'd like me to offer my exceptional oral services ;)_

(3:40) How dare you insult my purity in such vulgar ways?

(3:40) And here I thought you were a 'gentlemanly'

(3:40) Shame on you and your exceptional oral services, sir.

(3:40) _There is no shame in admitting you want my halfassed b-jobs all to yourself __❤️_

(3:41) …

(3:41) Be right back.

(3:41) I'm getting in contact with an expert who will exorcize all this sin out of you, young man.

(3:41) _Lmao_

* * *

**. . .**

**A/N:**

**GUYS! I KNOW where I want this story to go! Finally! Oh man, it only took me almost a year to figure it out lol**

**(Gintoki's friends sharing an apartment with him are of course Zura, Tatsuma and Suki.)**

**(Also I watch Unsolved, but not all the time because I'm legit a huge scaredy-cat.)**

**My dudes and dudettes, it's only gonna get gayer from here.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **

**I couldn't sleep and this happened. I'm gonna sleep now lol sorry for this short and lame thing.**

**Also I'm sorry for being so inactive lately, life just... keeps getting in the way and getting a hold of me. But thank you guys for always reading my stupid stuff, I can't even tell you how much I appreciate it.**

* * *

**EDIT:**

**I literally almost rewrote this whole thing because I felt inspired and wanted the conversations to go a bit differently lol**

**that's why I reposted it lol**

**sorry you guys lol**

**. . .**

* * *

**_Hacking Shinsuke's profile (Pt. 1)_**

* * *

(5:59) _Yo_

(5:59) _Guess who spent the whole night trying to hack his best friend's fb page?_

(6:00) _Lol_

(6:00) _It's like 6 am now and he'll be here in like 10 mins to end my life so I couldn't put in much_

(6:00) _But I posted this for ALL his contacts to see (parents + distant relatives included lol)_

(6:01) _I'll be deeeeed soon but_

(6:01) _Lol again_

(6:01) _Here are the screenshots for your eyes only to feast._

* * *

**~ Welcome to Shinsuke's Facebook Profile ~**

* * *

**My Day In A Nutshell**

**(But The Nutshell Is As small As My Nuts)**

**Me, every morning of my life [talking to myself in the mirror]: Good morning fuckers. Let the bullshit begin.**

* * *

**_At work:_**

**My friend: Where's the worker's compensation?**

**Me: Frank, for the last time, you put your dick in a beehive. They don't cover that. I'm talking from personal experience.**

* * *

**_Getting in a relationship in a day in 5 steps:_**

* * *

**_Step 1:_**

**Me: I lost my number can I have yours?**

**Her [blushing]: Ok**

**Me: I lost my phone too**

**Her: Wha-**

**Me: And my wallet. This is a robbery.**

* * *

**_Step 2:_**

**Her: The perfect date doesn't exist.**

**Me: Takes date to taco bell.**

**Me: Makes her pay.**

**Me: Perfect date. Boom.**

* * *

**_Step 3:_**

**Me: Damn girl are you a math textbook?**

**Her: No why?**

**Me: Cause you have a lot of fucking problems.**

* * *

**_Step 4:_**

**Her: I cheated on you.**

**Me: Pics or it didn't happen.**

* * *

**_Step 5:_**

**Her: Did you come?**

**Me: Yeah, to my senses. Get out of my house. I'm gay.**

* * *

**_Step 6 [back to my regular Single 'forever alone' Life]:_**

**Me: I changed my facebook status to "it's complicated"**

**My friend: Quantum physics is complicated. You're just a slut.**

* * *

**_At dinner:_**

**Aunt: How's your gay phase going?**

**Me [sipping tea]: Stronger than your marriage.**

* * *

**_highlight of my day:_**

**-so guyz funny story 2day**

**-went to the bathroom**

**-took large shit**

**-phone fell into the toilet**

**-landed on shit**

**-shit so large phone didn't get wet**

**-mixed blessings?**

* * *

**_This post has 673 likes and 8 New Comments:_**

* * *

**Kamui: ****lol are you drunk?**

* * *

**Ito Kamotaro****: Called it. Always knew you were a weirdo.**

* * *

**Tatsuma Sakamoto****: AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAH**

* * *

**Bansai Kawakami****: How did dinner with your aunt go in the end? **

** Gintoki Sakata****: lmao dude take off those sunglasses you literally missed the whole point**

* * *

**Kotaro Katsura****:**** ….Shinsuke… why… just… why?**

* * *

**Gintoki Sakata****: Interesting post. But when you say 'small nuts' how small are we really talking here? I need specific measurements, you see it's for scientific purposes, a new research on microscopic male genitalia.**

** Shinsuke Takasugi: Gintoki. I know this was all you. I swear on all your fucking naruto merchandise… ****I will find you. And I will kill you.**

* * *

(6:10) _As you can read in the last comment my ass is gonna get Nicholas Cage'd soon but totally woooorth it!_

(7:01) Alright.

(7:02) I just woke up…to this.

(7:02) And...

(7:03)...You know, I might actually love you a little bit.

* * *

_**. . .**_

_**a/n:**_

_**the last 'mixed blessings?' post is actually a screenshot I had taken ages ago from a very funny story that just made me snort out loud but I can't remember the fanfic- but you guys! It was such a funny one!**_

_**Also: Gin blurred Suki's and everyone else's names when sending the posts to Toshi, 'cause ya know stranger-danger and what not (next chapters they'll finally clear on ages and names don't ya worry 'bout a thang… lol)**_

_**I honestly wanted to post something for Toshi's birthday HAPPY (LATE) BIRTHDAY DEAR TOSHIRO! I'm sorry you're in this chapter for like 3 seconds at the end but you're one of the characters I appreciate the most!**_


	9. Chapter 9

**'naruto vs sasuke' interlude**

* * *

(12:50) I know this is quite early into our building relationship and it's probably too soon to have this conversation…

(12:50) But I want to finally get this out in the open and I need for you to know the truth…

(12:51) _Whatever it is you should know I'll be here for you no matter what. It'll be okay._

(12:51) Well… here goes nothing then.

(12:52) Sasuke is better than Naruto.

(12:52) There. I said it. It's out in the open now.

(12:52) _…_

(12:52) _Alright_

(12:53) _You were probably kidnapped by a bunch of unhinged aliens who told you to find a way to piss off the human race before they thrive off of our hatred and conquer our planet. This is literally the only plausible explanation I can come up with for you to affirm such a load of bull._

(12:54) _Blink twice if you're being held captive right now._

(12:54) _Ah, no, wait, I can't even see you._

(12:54) _ Ok text me that out of all the mangas/anime in the world Naruto is the second best main character of all times._

(12:54) You are most definitely right. Naruto really is the second best main character in the whole wide world.

(12:54) _Oh Thank The Lord_

(12:55) Because Sasuke comes first, _obviously._

(12:55) _…_

(12:56) _I will slowly count to five and you are to take back all the dreadful bullshit you just uttered and write an argumentative essay on the legend that Naruto Uzumaki is and how his outstanding awesomeness will live for centuries to come._

(12:56) I'm sorry this is so difficult for you to grasp, seeing as the denial is shining so clearly through your words.

(12:56) But Sasuke is the character that truly gives the series more depth.

(12:57) _all the love I had for you? _

(12:57)_ all the respect?_

(12:57)_ it's disappearing_

(12:57) _even my capital letters are losing respect for u_

(12:57)_ it's all disappearing rn_

(12:57) When you say 'disappearing', you mean like Naruto's character development did once Sasuke was out of the picture?

(12:58) _careful with your words, darling._

(12:58) _you're crossing one treacherous bridge here._

(12:59) But is it as treacherous as the bridge Naruto crossed to 'bring his beloved friend back' whilst spitting into the faces of a few of the strongest people in his universe and not giving a single crap about it because his obsession with his teammate was clouding any smidge of rationality he had left?

(12:59) _wow._

(1:00) _it's literally so hard for me to believe you'd even waste your breath for the resident emo child_

(1:00) You mean like all the breath Naruto wasted to get noticed by Sasuke instead of actually training toward becoming stronger and achieving his goal?

(1:01)_ that's it._

(1:01) _you crossed the line and i don't need this kind of negativity in my life._

(1:01)_ i'm calling our love quits._

(1:01)_ blocked._

(1:02) Wait

(1:02) Unblock me please.

(1:02) I have something really important to tell you.

(1:02) _what._

(1:03) Had Naruto not become so obsessed with Sasuke for the entire time he might have even turned out to be a cool character… how mind blowing is _that?_

(1:04) _fckin _

(1:04) _blocked _

(1:04) _for life_

(1:04) _bitch._

(1:05) Sweet dreams to you too, dear

(1:05) ❤️

* * *

**. . .**

**a/n:**

**-****I love Naruto to death, it's the 'first' anime I stumbled upon and I remember as a kid coming home from school and turning on the tv and watching it, he is literally one of the best, best, best characters EVER. Toshi is literally just teasing Gin here and his unconfined love for Naruto (in case anyone could ever doubt my weak little heart could contain anything but love for Naruto I have literally cried for this character and once wrote a whole essay about him, also his bond with Sasuke is so heartwarming but so heartbreaking, ahah this is way too much personal info)**

**-it's 1 am (when I wrote this) and this was not planned but I was left unsupervised around 100 gr of chocolate chips and this chapter happened**

**-Gintoki says 'second' best character because the best character for him will always be himself obviously, so there you have a little bit of a fourth wall break here too.**

**\- also I'm gonna use this 'naruto vs sasuke' joke for another fic (cause I recycle like that ahah?) but I really wanted to use it here too lol, consider this chapter as an interlude of sorts.**

**-also it's been a while since I've gone down the naruto hole and I can't find a way out now, send help please**

**-also it's actually the next chapter they finally learn each other's names and ages and yeah it's been a long time coming **

**-also don't you just love how lovingly they tease each other?**

**-also… lol**


End file.
